I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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