hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
