It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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