My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
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If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
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Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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