just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
