Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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