i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
