shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
