Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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