omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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