I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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