i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
