she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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