she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
