Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
