FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Boobs speak an international language.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
