Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
