why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
