Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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