First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
