Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
