here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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