Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Randomize
