Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
