You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
