my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
