She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
