dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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