Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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