I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize