Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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