I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
nutella sex= disaster
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
