bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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