Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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