piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
