You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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