I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
