He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
