They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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