hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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