Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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