I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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