This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
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The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
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There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
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