I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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