it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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