happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Randomize
