Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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