so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
