I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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