I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
