Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize