Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
