I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
