somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
