Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
and she was petting her beer can
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
