The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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