I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
barbara walters just said penis...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
