guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
