Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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