he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
