Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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