I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
