i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
