Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
