I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
