I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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