I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
