My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
