Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I just found a bag of teeth...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
