She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
