Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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