R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
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her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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