the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
