Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Randomize
