Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
