Can i not drive my cunt home
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
