I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
