Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
